I read this somewhere and thought I would share with you guys
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…
“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.
ps : You said I'm understanding. Do you know I'm understanding cause I love you? <33
signing off
baby\ting
31 May 2oo9 - o633pm
Sunday, May 31
Friday, May 29
I read this somewhere and decided to post it here :)
A guy and a lady..
*When I got home that night as my girl served dinner to me. I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know. What I was thinking, I want a break-up. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she asked my softly, "Why?"
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you're not a man! That night we didn't talk to each other, she was sad and weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what happened to our relationship. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she lost my heart. Maybe to someone else. I didn't love her anymore, I pitied her.
With a deep sense of guilt. I took out from my cupboard, things that she liked and desired so much and presented it to her.
She glanced at it and threw it one side. The woman who had spent a portion of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for wasting her time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I've said, telling her she have lost my heart. And even maybe to someone else. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a release. The idea of a break-up, which had obsessed me for some time seemed firm and clearer now.
The next day, I came home and saw her writing something at the table. I didn't have dinner and I went straight to sleep after a shower and fell asleep very fast for I was dead bushed. When I woke up, she was still there at the table, writing. I just didn't care and so I just turned over and fell asleep again.
In the morning, she presented me a document with some conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but wanted a months' notice before separating.
She requested that in that one month, we would both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple, she needed time to put down everything and let it go. I knew it was hard for her. So I accepted the condition. But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I carried her in and out of my room every single time we were together, having fun, poking fun at each other and stuff.
She requested that everyday for the months' duration that I would do the same; carrying her in and out of the room.. But it was different she just wanted me to carry her to the front door. I thought she was crazy. To make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.
I told the things she said to my friends and they both laughed out loudly, saying she's absurd and totally insane. No matter what she has to face it they said.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we were both very clumsy. Then my mother said, "Wow, carrying her in your arms again finally!" and applauded. Those words gave me a sense of pain. She closed her eyes and said softly as I carried her in my arms, "Don't tell mum that we broke up." And I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door and off she went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to work.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest, I could smell the fragrance on her blouse. I realised I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for such a long time. I realised she was not young anymore. Our relationship has taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered, what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, I lifted her up. I could feel a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given her very precious portion of her life and time to me.'
On the fifth and sixth day, I could feel the sense of intimacy growing. It became easier to carry her as the month started to slip by day by day. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but couldn't find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I realised she was becoming more and more thin, that was why I could carry her so easily.
Then it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
My mum came in one day, and said "It's time to carry her out again isn't it?" and smiled. I then held her in my arms. Walking from the bedroom, to the living room then to the front door. Her hand surrounded my neck gently and softly. I held her body tightly; it was just like the first time I carried her.
I drove to office. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I ran upstairs and told everyone that were close to me and told them I didn't want the break-up anymore; I won't. My relationship was boring and suffering probably because she and I didn't value the details in our relationship and our lives, not because we didn't love each other or had no more feelings for each other anymore.
Now I realize, that since the day that I first carried her around my house and promised her that I would be with her always, that I am supposed to hold her till death do us part.
At the floral shop, I bought a bouquet of flowers and then wrote on the card, I'll carry you out every morning till death do us part.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. I ran around looking for my one and only girl that I loved so much. And only to see her lying on the bed motionless. Dead.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the materials; the property, the car, the money in the bank. These created an environment conducive for happiness but could not give happiness themselves.
So find time and do those little things for each other that would buildup more feelings, more love, more value for the relationship and each other. Everyone, have a happy relationship :)
ps: will you still love me this way in 10 years time?
signing off
baby\ting
29 May 2oo9 - 1228am
A guy and a lady..
*When I got home that night as my girl served dinner to me. I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know. What I was thinking, I want a break-up. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she asked my softly, "Why?"
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you're not a man! That night we didn't talk to each other, she was sad and weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what happened to our relationship. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she lost my heart. Maybe to someone else. I didn't love her anymore, I pitied her.
With a deep sense of guilt. I took out from my cupboard, things that she liked and desired so much and presented it to her.
She glanced at it and threw it one side. The woman who had spent a portion of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for wasting her time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I've said, telling her she have lost my heart. And even maybe to someone else. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a release. The idea of a break-up, which had obsessed me for some time seemed firm and clearer now.
The next day, I came home and saw her writing something at the table. I didn't have dinner and I went straight to sleep after a shower and fell asleep very fast for I was dead bushed. When I woke up, she was still there at the table, writing. I just didn't care and so I just turned over and fell asleep again.
In the morning, she presented me a document with some conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but wanted a months' notice before separating.
She requested that in that one month, we would both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple, she needed time to put down everything and let it go. I knew it was hard for her. So I accepted the condition. But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I carried her in and out of my room every single time we were together, having fun, poking fun at each other and stuff.
She requested that everyday for the months' duration that I would do the same; carrying her in and out of the room.. But it was different she just wanted me to carry her to the front door. I thought she was crazy. To make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.
I told the things she said to my friends and they both laughed out loudly, saying she's absurd and totally insane. No matter what she has to face it they said.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we were both very clumsy. Then my mother said, "Wow, carrying her in your arms again finally!" and applauded. Those words gave me a sense of pain. She closed her eyes and said softly as I carried her in my arms, "Don't tell mum that we broke up." And I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door and off she went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to work.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest, I could smell the fragrance on her blouse. I realised I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for such a long time. I realised she was not young anymore. Our relationship has taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered, what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, I lifted her up. I could feel a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given her very precious portion of her life and time to me.'
On the fifth and sixth day, I could feel the sense of intimacy growing. It became easier to carry her as the month started to slip by day by day. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but couldn't find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I realised she was becoming more and more thin, that was why I could carry her so easily.
Then it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
My mum came in one day, and said "It's time to carry her out again isn't it?" and smiled. I then held her in my arms. Walking from the bedroom, to the living room then to the front door. Her hand surrounded my neck gently and softly. I held her body tightly; it was just like the first time I carried her.
I drove to office. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I ran upstairs and told everyone that were close to me and told them I didn't want the break-up anymore; I won't. My relationship was boring and suffering probably because she and I didn't value the details in our relationship and our lives, not because we didn't love each other or had no more feelings for each other anymore.
Now I realize, that since the day that I first carried her around my house and promised her that I would be with her always, that I am supposed to hold her till death do us part.
At the floral shop, I bought a bouquet of flowers and then wrote on the card, I'll carry you out every morning till death do us part.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. I ran around looking for my one and only girl that I loved so much. And only to see her lying on the bed motionless. Dead.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the materials; the property, the car, the money in the bank. These created an environment conducive for happiness but could not give happiness themselves.
So find time and do those little things for each other that would buildup more feelings, more love, more value for the relationship and each other. Everyone, have a happy relationship :)
ps: will you still love me this way in 10 years time?
signing off
baby\ting
29 May 2oo9 - 1228am
Thursday, May 28
okay. Time to update. :)
26 May
Woke up in the morning, neck was aching but still drag myself to work. Was a sleepy day, cause I slept late the previous night and woke up @ 7am in the morning. Was almost dozing off @ work but I force my eyes open. Got home get sweetie to massage for me :x
27 May
Woke up, neck still pain. Somehow it got worse. I reach office and realise that my neck was actually swollen. Robin came to meet me for lunch, bought me some stuff to paste on my neck and ricola. Got home and dad ask what happen to my neck then mom went to rub it. I almost cry out when she rub it, then she say "yao tong cai hui hao" -.- I wonder if she's seeking for revenge LOL. She make me laugh by saying "i think you sit bike and zek tio" LOL It's not that way.
28 May
Didnt went to work today cause neck still hurts. I think it got worse anyway. It hurts jus by a slight movement T.T I'm gonna see a doc now and see what he say.
signing off
baby\ting
28 May 2oo9 - o128pm
26 May
Woke up in the morning, neck was aching but still drag myself to work. Was a sleepy day, cause I slept late the previous night and woke up @ 7am in the morning. Was almost dozing off @ work but I force my eyes open. Got home get sweetie to massage for me :x
27 May
Woke up, neck still pain. Somehow it got worse. I reach office and realise that my neck was actually swollen. Robin came to meet me for lunch, bought me some stuff to paste on my neck and ricola. Got home and dad ask what happen to my neck then mom went to rub it. I almost cry out when she rub it, then she say "yao tong cai hui hao" -.- I wonder if she's seeking for revenge LOL. She make me laugh by saying "i think you sit bike and zek tio" LOL It's not that way.
28 May
Didnt went to work today cause neck still hurts. I think it got worse anyway. It hurts jus by a slight movement T.T I'm gonna see a doc now and see what he say.
signing off
baby\ting
28 May 2oo9 - o128pm
Friday, May 22
Why everytime when I need some encouragement, you just simply shoo me off and make me think that my afford is up to a waste? Why everytime I tried to talk to you, you simply seem so uninterested? Cant you just encourage me a little? Cant you jus show that at least you still care for me a little? I feel so down and I wanna cry so badly. I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but somehow I failed. Am I really that bad that you wont even think I could make it? I may look strong on the outside, but I'm not. I need your love, your care and your encouragement. Afterall I'm not that strong. Hearing all the response you gave me make me totally disappointed. I dont know anymore. You make me doubt myself once again. How I wish that you wont shoo me off like this. I was wrong to even expecting a praising or a caring reply from you. I tried my best to be your good girl, tried not to disappoint you but I guess what I do is jus not enough. Sometimes I wonder do you even know what I want? Do you even know how bad I feel when you say those words to me? I'm hurt, very badly I can say. I dont know if I'm angry or upset anymore, I jus feel like crying out but I dont wanna let my pride down. I jus feel like hiding in a corner all by myself right now, to think what have I done wrong that you wouldnt even wanna encourage me. I know I'm a bad girl afterall, I'm never gonna reach your expectation of a good girl. I'm sorry.
signing off
baby\ting
22 April 2oo9 - o3o6am
signing off
baby\ting
22 April 2oo9 - o3o6am
Monday, May 11
okok. I was being asked by Mr Wang Zhili to update my blog, so I guess I shall do some updating to let you guys know what I'm doing.
For a start, I'll like to wish all mother a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :)
I started work like 3 days ago. It's supposingly to be data entry, but I dont know why I've been doing Customer Service and some packing stuff. Work there is a piece of shyt. Everyone there seems to be very free but me. -.- I've only work for 2 days and for the 2 days, I've been going home late. I was suppose to knock off @ 6pm, instead of going off @ 6, I go off @ 6.30, 6.45. Lady boss always give me last min stuff and it's a piece of shyt really. -.- okok I'll stop talking about my work.
As for today, it's Mother's Day. I went dinner with my dad, mom, bro, bro's gf and my sweetie. Sweetie was being force to eat dinner with my mom LOL. (poor sweetie) I call my mom when I woke up asking her if she wanna have a dinner with us and she said ok, the next sentence she said is "ask Wenjie come along". I told her that he will be going over to his mom's place to eat with his mom and she still ask me to get him to go eat with her. *sorry sweetie wasnt my fault. LOL* It all ended up that he have to eat with my mom, his mom and get back home to eat the food that his dad cook, that's like 3 dinner. LOL After eating with my family, sweetie went to find his mom and I went back home. Dad won 4D, my number came out as 2nd prize so he got a laptop for me straight. Finally got myself a PINK lappy LOL. When I said it's PINK, it reminds me of my sweetie. LOL I remember asking him to get a pink lappy, but he was lucky cause there isn't any pink tablet. LOL Anyway I know he wouldnt get it even I told him to get a pink one. He would have just say "I wouldnt get a pink one even if you like it, cause that way I'll become you and not myself anymore" LOL Ok he win, he got a point. LOL
Oh well, I suggested to sweetie that for Father's Day, get his dad to ride down to CCK and we will eat together with both father so he dont have to eat 2 meals. LOL I told him it will end up both father arguing to pay off the bill and I'll go "sweetie, go pay the bill." LOL He said no, I'm suppose to be the one paying. LOL. Oh well, we'll see how it goes by then.
Anyway, I'm off to watch my show. Shall blog again if I'm not lazy :p
To Wang Zhili,
There you go, I update liao hor, dont say dont have LOL
signing off
baby\ting
11 May 2oo9 - 1256am
For a start, I'll like to wish all mother a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :)
I started work like 3 days ago. It's supposingly to be data entry, but I dont know why I've been doing Customer Service and some packing stuff. Work there is a piece of shyt. Everyone there seems to be very free but me. -.- I've only work for 2 days and for the 2 days, I've been going home late. I was suppose to knock off @ 6pm, instead of going off @ 6, I go off @ 6.30, 6.45. Lady boss always give me last min stuff and it's a piece of shyt really. -.- okok I'll stop talking about my work.
As for today, it's Mother's Day. I went dinner with my dad, mom, bro, bro's gf and my sweetie. Sweetie was being force to eat dinner with my mom LOL. (poor sweetie) I call my mom when I woke up asking her if she wanna have a dinner with us and she said ok, the next sentence she said is "ask Wenjie come along". I told her that he will be going over to his mom's place to eat with his mom and she still ask me to get him to go eat with her. *sorry sweetie wasnt my fault. LOL* It all ended up that he have to eat with my mom, his mom and get back home to eat the food that his dad cook, that's like 3 dinner. LOL After eating with my family, sweetie went to find his mom and I went back home. Dad won 4D, my number came out as 2nd prize so he got a laptop for me straight. Finally got myself a PINK lappy LOL. When I said it's PINK, it reminds me of my sweetie. LOL I remember asking him to get a pink lappy, but he was lucky cause there isn't any pink tablet. LOL Anyway I know he wouldnt get it even I told him to get a pink one. He would have just say "I wouldnt get a pink one even if you like it, cause that way I'll become you and not myself anymore" LOL Ok he win, he got a point. LOL
Oh well, I suggested to sweetie that for Father's Day, get his dad to ride down to CCK and we will eat together with both father so he dont have to eat 2 meals. LOL I told him it will end up both father arguing to pay off the bill and I'll go "sweetie, go pay the bill." LOL He said no, I'm suppose to be the one paying. LOL. Oh well, we'll see how it goes by then.
Anyway, I'm off to watch my show. Shall blog again if I'm not lazy :p
To Wang Zhili,
There you go, I update liao hor, dont say dont have LOL
signing off
baby\ting
11 May 2oo9 - 1256am
Nica is my name ♥
I'm a November baby ♥
Caleb is who I love ♥
No one is precious as you are in my heart. Don't want anyone but you. Your sweet and tender kisses, Your unconditional loves. It's all so great to me. I'm so blessed to be love by you ♥
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