18. One step at a time

I read this somewhere and decided to post it here :)

A guy and a lady..

*When I got home that night as my girl served dinner to me. I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know. What I was thinking, I want a break-up. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she asked my softly, "Why?"

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you're not a man! That night we didn't talk to each other, she was sad and weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what happened to our relationship. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she lost my heart. Maybe to someone else. I didn't love her anymore, I pitied her.

With a deep sense of guilt. I took out from my cupboard, things that she liked and desired so much and presented it to her.

She glanced at it and threw it one side. The woman who had spent a portion of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for wasting her time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I've said, telling her she have lost my heart. And even maybe to someone else. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a release. The idea of a break-up, which had obsessed me for some time seemed firm and clearer now.

The next day, I came home and saw her writing something at the table. I didn't have dinner and I went straight to sleep after a shower and fell asleep very fast for I was dead bushed. When I woke up, she was still there at the table, writing. I just didn't care and so I just turned over and fell asleep again.

In the morning, she presented me a document with some conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but wanted a months' notice before separating.

She requested that in that one month, we would both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple, she needed time to put down everything and let it go. I knew it was hard for her. So I accepted the condition. But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I carried her in and out of my room every single time we were together, having fun, poking fun at each other and stuff.

She requested that everyday for the months' duration that I would do the same; carrying her in and out of the room.. But it was different she just wanted me to carry her to the front door. I thought she was crazy. To make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.

I told the things she said to my friends and they both laughed out loudly, saying she's absurd and totally insane. No matter what she has to face it they said.

So when I carried her out on the first day, we were both very clumsy. Then my mother said, "Wow, carrying her in your arms again finally!" and applauded. Those words gave me a sense of pain. She closed her eyes and said softly as I carried her in my arms, "Don't tell mum that we broke up." And I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door and off she went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to work.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest, I could smell the fragrance on her blouse. I realised I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for such a long time. I realised she was not young anymore. Our relationship has taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered, what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, I lifted her up. I could feel a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given her very precious portion of her life and time to me.'

On the fifth and sixth day, I could feel the sense of intimacy growing. It became easier to carry her as the month started to slip by day by day. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but couldn't find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I realised she was becoming more and more thin, that was why I could carry her so easily.

Then it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

My mum came in one day, and said "It's time to carry her out again isn't it?" and smiled. I then held her in my arms. Walking from the bedroom, to the living room then to the front door. Her hand surrounded my neck gently and softly. I held her body tightly; it was just like the first time I carried her.

I drove to office. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I ran upstairs and told everyone that were close to me and told them I didn't want the break-up anymore; I won't. My relationship was boring and suffering probably because she and I didn't value the details in our relationship and our lives, not because we didn't love each other or had no more feelings for each other anymore.

Now I realize, that since the day that I first carried her around my house and promised her that I would be with her always, that I am supposed to hold her till death do us part.

At the floral shop, I bought a bouquet of flowers and then wrote on the card, I'll carry you out every morning till death do us part.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. I ran around looking for my one and only girl that I loved so much. And only to see her lying on the bed motionless. Dead.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the materials; the property, the car, the money in the bank. These created an environment conducive for happiness but could not give happiness themselves.

So find time and do those little things for each other that would buildup more feelings, more love, more value for the relationship and each other. Everyone, have a happy relationship :)

ps: will you still love me this way in 10 years time?

signing off
baby\ting
29 May 2oo9 - 1228am