18. One step at a time

Why everytime when I need some encouragement, you just simply shoo me off and make me think that my afford is up to a waste? Why everytime I tried to talk to you, you simply seem so uninterested? Cant you just encourage me a little? Cant you jus show that at least you still care for me a little? I feel so down and I wanna cry so badly. I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but somehow I failed. Am I really that bad that you wont even think I could make it? I may look strong on the outside, but I'm not. I need your love, your care and your encouragement. Afterall I'm not that strong. Hearing all the response you gave me make me totally disappointed. I dont know anymore. You make me doubt myself once again. How I wish that you wont shoo me off like this. I was wrong to even expecting a praising or a caring reply from you. I tried my best to be your good girl, tried not to disappoint you but I guess what I do is jus not enough. Sometimes I wonder do you even know what I want? Do you even know how bad I feel when you say those words to me? I'm hurt, very badly I can say. I dont know if I'm angry or upset anymore, I jus feel like crying out but I dont wanna let my pride down. I jus feel like hiding in a corner all by myself right now, to think what have I done wrong that you wouldnt even wanna encourage me. I know I'm a bad girl afterall, I'm never gonna reach your expectation of a good girl. I'm sorry.

signing off
baby\ting
22 April 2oo9 - o3o6am