alot of stuff kept running thru my mind lately and i start to question myself, how much do i weigh in your heart? how much more should i do before i can totally win your heart over? at times i felt like questioning you, but i find no courage to do so, for the fear of losing you. the kinda fear is so great that i wanted to cry out so badly, but i didnt do that, cause i dont want you to feel my sadness. i tried putting on a smile and act like nothing is wrong but it's hard for me recently. i wonder do you even know how much i cried when you are asleep? how much i hope that this insecurity feeling goes away? i trust you with all my heart to even doubt you from anything, and i mean it when i said ANYTHING, yet my senses tell me i was wrong. again i wanted to ask, yet fear to get the answer i dont wanna hear. im being naive i know. i've got no one to turn to, no one to talk to, so im coming here to let all out. i feel horrible now but i want no one to know. thinking of all this give me a massive heartache. idk what to do anymore. i gave you everything including my heart, now i cant get it back no more. im left with nothing but an empty shell of my body. i feel so cold right now, so wanna be alone now. who can understand me? who can help? i dont wanna care about what others think right now. i jus wanna be selfish, jus want you for myself. idk how much i could hold on, i jus need somewhere where i can breathe. it's so hard for me now

signing off
baby\ting
28 aug 2oo9 - o738am